Schrödinger’s Monster

The Schrödinger’s Monster experiment has interested scientists and interested outsiders alike for nearly a century. I am a researcher, and I have dedicated my life to the study of Schrödinger’s Cat and its Monster. The details of these experiments have been highly disputed, with different accounts and lies obscuring the truth of the story. Additionally, most details regarding the second half of Schrödinger’s experiment are left out of books due to the nature of its catastrophic failure. I hope to remedy this today. Please, feel free to take notes.

First, I wish to address one of the most important misconceptions in this story, "The Cat's name is Schrödinger", the Cat has no name. Schrödinger was the name of the doctor. It's Schrödinger’s Cat.

Next, it's important that you understand the fundamentals of this theory. Our friend Schrödinger places a living cat into a box. The box is completely sealed, there is no way to look inside this box, and there is no oxygen going into the box. Within an hour, Schrödinger will return and open up the box. Until the box is opened, we have no way of knowing whether or not the cat in the box is either dead or alive. Because of this, from Schrödinger’s point of view, the cat is technically both alive and dead at the same time. Consider another problem. Schrödinger places a six-sided dice into a box, then shakes the box. Since we don't know what number the dice has landed on until we open the box, the dice has technically landed on all six sides at once, until proven otherwise. Next, we take six cats, and put all of them into a sealed box. We leave the cats in the box for several months. Are the cats dead or alive? How many cats are in the box? Did you check before you put the cats into the box? What if there are suddenly kittens in the box? This means there are an infinite amount of cats inside this box, all of which are both dead and alive at the same time. Finally, you yourself are sealed into a box, and left alone for an hour. When an hour passes, is the scientist that lets you out of the box dead or alive? What exists outside of the box? With no way of seeing it, until the box is opened, the room you are in could be anything, shifting and moving endlessly until observed. Does this make sense to you? If not then take a minute to meditate on these themes, then return when you are ready.

Ready?

Good.

Returning to our poor cat in the box, this issue is further complicated by the simple fact that there are many more conditions in life other than life or death. Our friend Schrödinger could open the box and find that the cat was comatose, or that the cat was chasing its tail, or perhaps something completely different. Furthermore, we have no way of knowing if what was inside the box was even still a cat, possibly, since it was unobserved, the molecules in the cat are moving and evolving. Maybe the cat could have grown an extra leg, The cat could, perhaps have changed, and transformed into a dog! There was simply no way of knowing until the box was opened. The hour finally passed, and Schrödinger opened the box. Within the box, he found that the cat was neither alive nor dead. There was no cat. The box was empty. Somehow, the cat had escaped! There was no way for him to know what had happened to the cat since there were no cameras within this lab. With the lab completely unobserved, Schrödinger discovered that from an outsider’s point of view, the lab itself had become the box, and he was the cat. When Schrödinger heard a knock at the door, he realized that there could be literally anything behind said door. The universe would wait for the exact moment before Schrödinger looked at anything in order to build whatever should stand before him. There could be an entire SWAT team, that lay in wait to raid his lab. It could be the cat, Or it could even be his beautiful wife, Wifedinger.

Yes. you've heard me correctly, Schrödinger’s wife was named Wifedinger. And she was beautiful. And in addition to all of this, she was pregnant! Wifedinger had always been a bit eccentric. She had refused any kind of ultrasound, despite the doctors insisting it was for her health, opting instead to be surprised when the moment came.

Schrödinger opened the door to his laboratory, and exactly as he had hoped, Wifedinger stood before him. He’s feeling a bit strange after discovering dimensional energy and creating his box theory. He stared at his wife’s stomach and realized that the child inside had not been seen by anyone. There could be anything inside of it, not just a boy or a girl, but something entirely alien and strange. Or a cat. This meant that within his wife, was yet another Schrödinger’s box. Schrödinger then performed an unethical science experiment, blindfolded, on his beautiful wife, Wifedinger, and within nine months, Wifedinger gave birth to a healthy baby box. Nobody was able to see the baby, obviously, as it was in a completely sealed box. Every few hours it was fed through the box, and the baby was given everything it needed to live. The scientists working with Schrödinger on this experiment begin to refer to the baby as Schrödinger’s Monster, as whatever was inside the box was most certainly inhuman. Schrödinger announced to the public that on The Monster's eighteenth birthday, he will open the box, and everyone will learn if the experiment is dead or alive, and whether it is human or inhuman. Years go by. The experiment continued to gain more and more notoriety. Scientists everywhere were writing theories and hypotheses about it. The U.S. and other foreign governments also began to take interest in the experiment as well. They hired soldiers to guard and patrol the area around the laboratory 24/7, which was surprisingly helpful because rogue scientists continuously kept trying to break into Schrödinger’s laboratory and open the box. These issues continued for years. Eighteen years.

Now on the day of Schrödinger’s Monster’s birthday. The laboratory was completely packed with reporters, scientists, government officials, and a few civilians. This was the most important moment of The Monster’s life, years upon years of work, and thousands of thousands of thousands of dollars have all led to this moment. Schrödinger took the stage and spoke. He proceeded to give an extremely long and winded speech which frankly felt unsentimental and a bit insane. The people didn't want to listen to Schrödinger rant, they all just wanted to see The Monster. Without any more delays, Schrödinger approached the box. He undid all of the many locks. He disabled all of the safety mechanisms. He lifted the lid of the box. Inside the box, there was nothing. The box was completely empty. Somehow, Schrödinger’s Monster has escaped. Schrödinger paused. He looks nervously at the crowd of people before him. Nobody had ever laid eyes on The Monster. Nobody would have any idea what to look for. If Schrödinger’s Monster had escaped, then someone in this room could very well be The Monster. In fact, there was a 50/50 chance that anyone in that room either was or was not The Monster. Schrödinger gestured to the guards, who proceeded to seal off the entire laboratory. Letting Schrödinger’s Monster escape would be too dangerous, The amount of time, money, and politics invested into this experiment was immeasurable.

From this point on, the entire story becomes speculation, as we have no accounts of what went on within the lab. Schrödinger probably went through each of the guests, confirming whether they were or were not Schrödinger’s Monster, but as soon as he looked away from them, there would be a possibility that the guest might have changed into The Monster, so Schrödinger and the guests would be stuck within an endless loop of questionnaires and confirmations. All of this took a lot of time. Five years to be exact. For five years, Schrödinger’s laboratory sat sealed off and untouched by the outside world. It was impossible to tell what was going on inside. Eventually, the families of the guests all banded together to break down the doors to the lab. When the doors to the lab finally crumbled, everyone stared in awe at what appeared to be an empty laboratory. Schrödinger, All of the guests, All of the guards, All of the scientists, and most importantly: The Monster, were gone, essentially erased from existence.

Despite the world’s conclusions that The Monster simply disappeared that day, many scientists continued the search for the monster. For years, Schrödinger’s Monster was on the run, managing to completely evade ever being seen or recorded. This was until many different scientists all came together, pooling resources and high tech tracking technology finally managed to capture The Monster. It was brought back to their laboratory, seemingly dead. Despite this, the scientists found that every time they turned their heads, The Monster’s body would twist and contort, its organs shifting and moving into unnatural locations, and its muscle fibers and bones twisting and curling. Every moment The Monster was unobserved, it had the possibility to change from dead to alive. As such, The Monster was kept under strict surveillance for years, and until its body began to rot and degrade, there would be no way to be certain.

2024
45” x 11”
Acrylic, Aerosol, Wood, And Hardware on Canvas